A Date with Me

Last night I took I had the chance to a little "Me" time. In fact a friend of mine asked what I was doing and even offered to watch the kids so Randall and I could go out but I said "No thanks". Sometimes a girl just needs to be on her own.

Rand's been gone a lot lot with work and then an unexpected family death so this alone time was "timely". The funny thing is when I finally have this opportunity I stress out about what I'm going to do? I often feel like I don't know what I like anymore or go window shopping only getting myself down about clothing I don't want to buy because it isn't the size I want to wear (which I know is stupid and I'm trying to get over that) and then feeling like in a few hours I'm supposed to "find myself", and come home completely rejuvenated. Only it doesn't happen that way, and how could it in a mere few hours?

Rand is brilliant though and asked why I didn't just go to the library? I think the thought of having the time to do anything I want and going to the library seems rather lame and implies that I'm boring. The thing is we all know I'm not boring, so well, I went to the library. I LOVE the library. I spent hours there and could have spent my whole time there if my meter wasn't going to run out of money. Instead of just feeding the meter I decided to just move on to my next destination...Barnes and noble. Sensing a theme here? But first why I loved the library. For the first time in forever I had time to read through books that I wanted to read. I made a huge pile of the ones that sounded interesting and then sat down and looked a little closer to decide the ones I wanted to take home. The library I found is a really good way to see what interests me by just walking down the subject isle and seeing what subject makes me want to walk down that row and peruse. What to know what my interest are? Home decor, photography, organization, holidays, art history( a new thing for me that I would really like to spend some time studying), music, entertaining, cooking. Nothing too earth shattering or deep but it was exciting just the same. I wish I could say it was something nifty but it is what it is and frankly it's refreshing to choose what I really like instead of what sounds impressive or what others might like. I came home with two book to just read, and a slew of others with recipes for Thanksgiving and tradition and and holidays ideas. I'm so excited. Oh, and as a guilty pleasure I checked out a season of project runway. Don't judge me. I love seeing how creative people are and how they can be given a task and make something amazing and imaginative with just fabric, and often times not just fabric but say only items you can find in a grocery store. Randall would rather die than watch something like that, and I told him now he knows how I feel about Planet earth, there I said it. I know everybody thinks it's amazing, and it is amazing but if you've seen it once, or even part of it been there done that.

Anyway, after the library I was starving so I decided I wanted something not quite fast foodish but not sit down either. I once went to dinner by myself years ago at a sit down restaurant. While I felt comfortable doing it the people around me and their stares and reactions bothered me to where I haven't done that since. Although I think living here and getting used to people stares and reactions I wouldn't think twice about it. I ended up at a place called Panera Bread wanting a salad or something. I ended up with a half salad half panini option and frankly was disappointed big time in the sandwich and the salad was OK, and for $12! When the person rang it up she even said "it may seem pricey but that's because these are high quality signature items". I may end up at Wendy's next time because their salad is cheaper and WAY better.

After my awesome dinner I went to Barnes and Noble, another favorite. I could spend hours perusing the bargain areas, as well as the magazines, and children's books. I bought a darling children's book about the true story of the man who made the balloons that were initially large puppets for the Macy's day parade. It is so fun and cute and will be kept on my shelves so it won't be ruined. I really hate stuff, but love books. I also bought a little bargain book something along the lines what every Dad should know about daughters and Mothers about sons. It has a religious take on it too and I thought for $5 it couldn't hurt. My relationship with Ethan goes very up and down where I adore him and compliment him and we feel close, and then other times where he never meets my expectations and seems to never be focused etc. so I thought it might have some good tips. One quick section I read was that if Mothers compliment their sons on the good things, you will see more of those good things. Something I need to work on. Ethan is such an amazing boy and I need to just look past his funny ways. Like the fact that he can't wear any piece of clothing even if it has the tiniest hole that you can't even see unless you stretch the fabric. This is especially true with socks, in fact this morning he told me he couldn't wear that sock because it was getting "thin". Also as we were getting ready to leave for the airport today I asked him where his jacket was and he said he hasn't know for days. Wish he would have told me that days ago when we weren't walking out the door. He also can't set the table while talking because he can't focus on more than one item at a time. I'm starting to think this is a boy thing. He gets excited about what he's talking about and has to be told each thing to set over and over until 30 minutes later we are almost there :) He does really well in school thankfully so somethings working.

After the book store I went over to Short Hills Mall. This place makes me feel crazy. It has every store imaginable and all very high end and so it is fun to walk through some of my favs like Crate and Barrel and Pottery barn, and Anthropolgie, but leaves me feeling often empty and selfish and greedy thinking, it really isn't good. I had to pick something up and that's why I went but really it was my least favorite stop.

At the end even though I wasn't really hungry true to myself I figured I might regret it if I didn't have some treat of some kind before the night was over. I had heard recently of someone getting a slice of pumpkin cheesecake at The Cheesecake factory and while I'm NOT a cheesecake fun it sounded so good and "Fally". I figured Rand might think that a nice treat so I brought a slice home to share. Sadly when I got home he was still on a client call with Australia until late so I ate my half not waiting for him to get off his call.

It was a nice night but mostly because I finally did things that are truly "me". Don't take my word for it but I think I make a pretty great date.