Duck, Duck, Goose!

 The other day I took the girls outside in the front to play so I could practice taking actions shots.  I looked over at one point to see that Jane had started a game of duck, duck goose.  I thought it was the cutest thing.

 Duck,

Duck,

 Goose!

They were as happy as little clams.  Just the way I like them.

13 year Anniversary in NYC

 When we found out we were moving away, Rand came up with 2 great ideas.  The first was to spend the night in NYC for our anniversary so I could get my fill and not be so sad about leaving a city I love.  The 2nd idea was to buy an DSLR camera.  We have thought about buying a camera for some time but  always wondered if we would really use it.  Well, we finally did it.  Rand thought it would be nice if we had some cool pictures that we (meaning me) took to hang in our house in the future.  The only problem was that we only had the camera for 4 days before we left, so it's not like I was all that proficient.  I can proudly say I read the manual twice in those four days, took lots of pictures for practice and read a book about SLR's from the library.  I am proud to say I did take all of these pictures in the manual setting.  I think some are pretty cool.

 The picture above was at the Summit train station on our way into the city.

 The view above is as you ride the escalator up to 7th ave and see Hotel Pennsylvania.  I don't know why but it gets me every time.  I compare it to the feeling you get when you walk down Main Street in Disneyland, another place I love.  It just gives me a nervous and excited feeling.  I have to pinch myself every time.  I've probably taken 50 picture of this same shot over the last two years.

 When we left Summit we got into the city and went straight out to the Empire State building to get some pictures.

 Then the Chyrsler building.  As we walked up 5 Ave we also passed the NYC library below.

 And of course we couldn't miss the iconic Macy's.  This year we went to this Macy's here on 34th street at Christmas so the kids could see Santa.  It was magical.  Probably more for me than for the kids.

 I also love Radio City music hall.  One of my favorite memories in NY is when my parents came for Thanksgiving last year.  The year before my mom and I had tickets to see the Rockettes for Christmas but it was the Snow storm of the century the day we had tickets for, and we couldn't get into the city, so we missed our show.  I was beyond disappointed.  Thankfully when they came out in November 2011, we were able to catch one of the fist shows of the season.  It was just my mom, Anna and me.  3 generations of girls.  We rode the train in and then rode in a pedicab for the first and last time in the city.  It was cold, and a bit scary, but so fun to ride in a buggy pulled by a guy on a bike through the streets decorated for Christmas.  The show was really great.  It was a really cold and rainy day but my Mom was a total champ about it and it will always be a favorite memory for me.

 It was only right that we eat "street meat" for dinner for our anniversary.  This is Rand's favorite cart with Indian food.  Even Bobby Flay from the food network has eaten there.  It really is very good food, but it certainly isn't food you want to eat if you need to fit in anything skinny anytime soon.  Let's be honest, I haven't fit into anything skinny in quite some time.

 Time square didn't have the same excitement it had when we first moved here, but it's still fun to visit and it was home to Rand's office here at 1540 Broadway the last two years, thus the picture below to document it.

 I've now seen Wicked 3 times and I'm pretty sure I will never see a better show.  I love it!

 This was our room at The Hilton just up a bit up the street from Radio City.  I stayed there before with some friends and I think for the money and the cleanliness etc. it's a really good choice.  Not quite as nice as the Milford, eh Jess?  :)

 In the years that we've been here I had never seen the flatiron building so it was a must see.  It's strange from behind it looks like a normal building but from the front it really does look flat.  It's so cool.

 I've come to love the "normal" streets of NY.  I love to go to to Chelsea or somewhere with the more typical architecture and the brownstone type buildings.

 We have been down to the 9/11 site several times be decided it would be worth it this time to make the time to actually visit the museum and the memorial site.  I'm really glad that we did this.  It's such a part of the history of NYC.

 One of the buildings still going up.  It's been fun to see the progress from nothing to this.

 The wall above has all the names of those who were killed obviously.  It lists first those in the different planes and then those in the World trade Centers.  It really hit home how many lives were lost seeing it like that.

 This is a picture of an airplane window that had been blown apart, that someone stepped over that day as they were running down the street.  Admittedly the first time I visited the site of 9/11 I felt very little  and very removed from it all, but each time I've gone back, the reality and weight of what happened there becomes more real.  It's hard to walk down those streets and imagine it was those same streets that people were running down from the smoke and debris.  I believe there were something like 6 or 8 people from our ward that worked in those buildings back then.  Every single one of them was late to work that day, so was saved.

 The above picture is showing some of the many, many missing posters that family and friends posted around the site, hoping that somehow their loved ones would be found.

 The fountains are built in the exact foot print of the original WTC buildings.  Around the waterfalls are the names inscribed of those that were killed.  It really is a beautiful and peaceful memorial.

 This is I believe a City Center or government building down by the Brooklyn Bridge that I just thought was pretty.

 Rand and I walked across the Brooklyn bridge.  It was such a beautiful day.  This is definitely one of my most favorite things to do in NY.  The view is so pretty.  Sadly there was construction so a lot of the view was obstructed so we had to just make do with what we had.

 After walking the bridge, we decided to head uptown to Central park.  We rented some bikes for a few hours and rode around the whole park plus some.  Over the two days we calculated that we walked about 22 miles, plus the biking.  The area where Randall is sitting is called the Mall and it's one of my favorites.  The benches that are there all have plaques on them that say they were donated for someone for like an anniversary or a birthday gift or something special.  It's fun to walk along and read who they are there for and why.  Maybe someday I will have a park bench with my name on it ;)

 For whatever reason I'm a total sucker for the Today show.  I have dreamed about seeing Rockefeller Center for years and years, especially with the Christmas tree up.  Thankfully this year my dreams came true.  I even was on the Today show a few years back.  I was so excited to see Matt Lauer and katie up close but they were all away for a funeral that day.  I did get to see Natalie Morales though :)

 It was also important being the chocolate lovers that we are, to snap a picture of our of our favorite chocolatier.  This is in Rockefeller Center, and has really good stuff.  My favorite is the chocolate with mint and Rand's is with chili pepper.

If you would have told me 13 years ago when we were married and "honeymooning" in my grandmas trailer in St. George poor as poor with all of Randall's education ahead of us,  that we would be celebrating together in NYC and not just for vacation but we would be living here I wouldn't have believed you.  I'm so grateful that we've been so blessed over the years, for richer for poorer in sickness and health.  Here's to many, many more.

One More Month

Just one month from today I will be on a plane with my girls back to Utah.  Rand, Ethan and my Dad are having boy bonding time driving the moving truck and our van back.  I can hardly believe this is really happening.   It's strange to have thought this was where we would make our home and raise our kids.    It's obvious that things always change, and are often out of our control.   We didn't see our selves moving back to Utah at all let alone just 2 years after we left.  We are returning under great circumstances and feel like it's a great blessing in many regards.   It's amazing that our town home there just happens to be available at just the right time for us to move into.  We have been working towards and praying for years that we would be blessed to pay off our student loans and this move with make that possible.  This is a good move for Randall professionally too, and I couldn't be happier about that.

It's just that coming her and adjusting to Jersey was really hard.  I was determined to dig my heels in, be happy here and make this place home, and it is home for us right now.  There is so much that I do love about living here.  I will miss my friends, our ward, the kids school, the beauty and green trees everywhere you look.  The parks, NYC, the diversity of the people around us in culture, color, and religion.

  The #1 thing I won't miss is the cost of living.  I was at the grocery store tonight and as I put my 4 gallons of milk in the cart for $16 dollars, I was trying to remember what milk cost in Utah.  I also won't miss the street we live on with the mortuary, the gas station and the liquor store.  I won't miss sharing a driving way with 2 houses and 6 or more cars coming and going.   I have definitely become a better and much more aggressive driver.  I never in a million years though I would drive in NYC and I have, and was crazy like the rest of them.   I won't miss sharing a bathroom with all the kids and our creaky stairs.

I'm really excited to be near family and friends. I'm glad that they grandparents will really get to know the kids, especially Jane and her sweet personality, and hear all the things she says.   I'm excited that we will have our families at Anna's baptism in November.   I'm excited to have central heat and air.  A disposal!!! A designated parking place, that's covered even. A pantry and a master bathroom and walk-in closet.  Oh, and how did I forget Cafe Rio?  Randall says I have definitely become low maintenance living here.  And as much as I love the hustle and bustle of life here and all the exciting things there are  to do and see, I'm actually looking forward to experiencing life at a much slower pace.  Sometimes I think we don't even realize anymore at how fast paced and stressful things are around here.

I'm grateful for the growth that we have made here.  I love that I have learned that things that initially seem so hard, just become your "new normal".  I remember when we first moved to Jersey just driving was very stressful.  The roads are crazy all over the place with strange jug handle turns and the route 22 that I hate.  I had to pay such close attention to not just  the road, but the drivers around me and my GPS.  I couldn't talk, listen to the radio or the kids for that matter.  My heart would be racing and I would be so nervous every time I got in the car.  I  could only concentrate on getting from point A to B.  Now, I don't even think about the driving, at least in my day to day life.  Sure there are still times that I have to pull out the GPS (thank heavens for that gadget), and while I almost never talk on the phone and only hands free, I'm glad that driving is now no big deal.  I'm glad that shop rite, is just a normal grocery store to me now.  I sometimes have to think back and remember what it was that was so hard about living here in the beginning.  It will be a shock to have such wide open spaces, large parking lots, and shopping carts actually in the grocery stores.

No matter what, I will always love the charm of the east coast.  

And while the people here can certainly be rude and outspoken, and I have many "fun" stories of different confrontations, I really like that here you can have an opinion and voice it and people are open to it.  I feel like in other places I'm hesitant to have a strong opinion and especially hesitant to voice it, afraid I might come across too harshly and even offend someone.   I like that here you can be you no matter what and nobody cares.  You see people of all walks of life here and it's just so normal that you almost don't stand out, even if you a weird guy that wears different colored rats on your head like a guy Rand passes on the way to work in the city.  I don't want to feel like I have to "fit in".

I like that we've had some deep discussions with the kids about really important issues because they are exposed to different things here.  I love that they have learned that if you come to church wearing jeans, with multiple ear piercings or tattoos it doesn't make you a bad person.  There was a time a while back where the kids were playing in the back with a bunch of neighborhood kids, several of who were black.  Something happened with one of the girls and so when they came in I asked them who it involved and they explained to me that it was "that girl with the big hair".  I was impressed that they didn't even think to use "the black girl", in their description.

I think one of my biggest concerns in returning to Utah,  is that here, our answer to their concerns as to why people use certain language, or take the Lord's name in vain, is because they aren't taught the same things we are taught, and don't know differently.  It's going to be a challenge when it's the kids they know are Mormon that are saying and doing things they shouldn't....

I just have to remind myself when I'm sad about leaving here and the many great things it has to offer, that we are just so lucky that we had the at all.  Jersey was definitely the hardest place to adjustment to, but it's been a huge blessing for us as a family.  I know when I get on the plane one month from today, I will be heart broken, leaving those I love here behind...but thankfully there are many others I love where we are going.

Darling Daughter?

It's no secret that one of our daughters can be a "handful?"  Ok, we all know it's Anna.  I love her.  She can be such a sweetie pie.  She is very nurturing and thoughtful, but boy is she also just plain hard. She;s been hard from the beginning.  I often ask myself what I did differently with her in my pregnancy just sure it's my fault, since she just came that way so different from the others.

This morning I am just so frustrated with her.  She is just not a happy child, almost ever.  She just chooses to be miserable the majority of her life.  I've been talking to her a lot about that recently that happiness is a choice.  I know that there are extenuating circumstances, but she's 7 and has a good life.  This morning at breakfast she announced that "she doesn't like life".  I was like "what?"  Just because I wanted to be sure that's what she had said and what she meant.  So yes continued to say that yes, in fact she doesn't life like and it's because hers is so terrible.  I immediately just said "go to your room".  I was so mad and sad at the same time.  I don't know how to teach her to see the good.

 A few weeks ago at dinner I was asking them what the best part of their day was.  I asked Ethan and of course he had something happy and positive to say.  I went on to Anna and again asked "Anna, what was the best part of your day?"  She said "well, the worst part was ..."  OK.  I didn't ask her what the worst part was but she skipped right past the good and went for the worst.  The cup is definitely half empty with her.

Anna has some great strengths and talents.  She loves babies.  She adores Jane and wishes she could be her mother.  I often have to remind Anna that I am the mother.  She has taken it upon herself to be Kate's teacher.  Anna has literally worked for hours and hours writing out "lesson plans".   She sits down with Kate and has been teaching her about vowels, non fiction, whatever it is that week.

...Anna just came in and we had a talk and she said "being a kid is just hard".  I tried to emphasize and told her that's true but it's also supposed to be one of the best parts of life.  I told her to try to see the good. I asked her to list some of the good things yesterday, she said "pizza at school, centers, the monkey bars, that's it".  I said to her what about these things like a package from grandma with treats inside, dinner out last night, and a new movie for them to watch and much needed new shoes tomorrow.  Her response was "well the movie was just rented".  Aarg  see what I'm working with here?  Apparently the movie isn't good enough unless we buy it.

We've been really encouraging her to say her personal prayers and teaching that you can pray anytime anywhere she needs.  She hasn't been too keen on the idea.  I told her that it's these exact things she can include in her prayers.  Things like the girls at school will be nice, she can be happy etc.

That girl worries me, they all worry me for one reason another.  I had no idea being a parent would be so hard.  I just thought as long as they were fed and clothed we were good.

Rands been gone 8 days and I've hardly slept the last 3 nights because Jane has started crying in the night, and Kate's had a fever of 103 for the last 3 days.  I'm sure I'm just tired and all will be well when I get a little more sleep soon.