4 Years Ago

As I sat wrapping presents for our Kate's 4th birthday tomorrow, I couldn't help but think back to the time of her birth. While I know that reminiscing about a child's birth is a common thing for any mother around their birthday, the memories of Kate's birth are especially poignant.

It was a VERY difficult time for us. It all started 5 and a half years ago.... Randall had just finished graduate school in Arizona and we moved to a nice town-home in Utah, with high hopes of starting up a successful business. Randall and a friend from grad school had won a competition for entrepreneurs and we were gung ho about starting this new venture. He had funding for this project and people that mattered were telling us how successful this venture was going to be. Quite honestly we kind of thought that in a short period of time we would be building our dream home on a hill, making TONS of money and all would be perfect. What we didn't know in our naivete and inexperience is that a lot of people starting a business, even if it is a fantastic idea, aren't always successful. A little over a year later the economy started to take a dive and while things were going along relatively well with the business, our investors no longer wanted to invest. With very short notice we were left without a job or health insurance and I was then 8 months pregnant with Kate.

Needless to say it was a very scary and emotional time. Any pregnant woman is allowed an abundance of emotion but I now was pregnant and didn't even know what home I was going to bring our little baby home to. Let me back up a minute. About a month before all this, when we thought things were going along great, we had even been given the offer to buy our town home and thought that we probably would. We had grown to love the area and I had made some of my very best friends. Things were going along well. Now without a job not only could we not afford to buy the home we were currently living in, but the owner of the home suddenly decided that they needed to move in, and we needed to move out. You can imagine our panic. Randall began interviewing for jobs immediately but as is often the case he was either overqualified, or lacked enough experience depending on the job. This is often the case with job seekers and makes me crazy. Anyway, Randall had a company fly him out to Virginia all expenses paid to interview. The interview went extremely well and they basically gave him a verbal offer and so we decided the best decision would be to move in with my parents, have the baby and wait until the offer came and we could move to Virginia and all would be well.

Weeks later we were moved in with my parents and the official offer never came. We were baffled to say the least. They had even asked Randall if he wanted them to set him up with a Realtor, and thankfully he had declined. He was interviewing for anything he possibly could get. Every single interview would go very well and we kept hoping that any moment he would have a great job. All the while we kept praying that Randall would be directed to a job that we would enjoy and excel at. He even worked at a job selling organic food and freezers in the afternoons and evenings. Yes, with an MBA from an excellent and expensive school, I might add this is what he was his job. Was this humbling? Oh ya. He was miserable as you can imagine. We barely made enough money to pay our 780$ cobra payment so I could be insured when the baby came. Thankfully that job was very short lived.

This time was a blur and due to my physical and emotional state I don't remember all the details exactly but it was about a week after we moved in with my parents that my Mom found out her ovarian cancer had come back and that she needed to have major surgery and begin chemotherapy...again. My Mom was initially diagnosed with ovarian cancer when we were in grad school when Anna was a new baby. This news was shocking as you can imagine and it at least put our challenges into perspective for us. Another week passed and I was still a week out from my due date, but since my Mom needed to have surgery ASAP we convinced my OB who is a family friend to induce me so I could have the baby and get on my feet so I could help my Mom recover from her surgery. What a crazy time it was.

I have been induced with all my babies so this was nothing new to me. I went to the hospital early and after an excruciating and non planned natural birth, our sweet Katherine Elise was born, and she was beautiful and perfect. We brought her "home"(to my parents house) from the hospital on my 29th birthday. While you can't ask for a better gift it wasn't exactly my best birthday. With the joy of this new beautiful baby we still didn't have a good job, and knew that in the next 10 days or so my Mom would be facing a very difficult surgery and recovery.

The time came and my Mom had her surgery and came home shortly after and I was there to help care for her and cook and do all the household things. Thankfully I felt good very quickly after my delivery and my parents ward and my sisters in law were also very helpful. Here is where things become a little more tricky. A week or so after my Mom's surgery my Dad had a routine check for his heart and they found a blockage. Now sadly this is nothing new for us. My Dad's heart is not good and this was only one of many episodes. His health history alone would take 3 extra paragraphs. (love you dad!) So...My Dad went in for his "routine" procedure to have a stent placed in the valve that should have been same day surgery, but with my Dad nothing is ever "same day". It usually involves weeks and several near death experiences.

After Dad's "procedure" he started having pain and some problems that they couldn't explain. After several days with still more pain and complication, he had a heart attack. The heart attack then progressed to where plaque from his heart broke off and went up into his brain causing a stroke. Now, this was all very concerning and traumatic for all of us. But...this same thing had happened when I was pregnant with Anna. We were packing up house to move from Texas to Arizona to start grad school when I got a call from my Mom saying that my Dad had another heart attack, yes I said another heart attack. See? I wasn't exaggerating about these "episodes". I of course jumped on a plane and came home. It was then that he had his first stroke. I digress. So now we are living with my parents, my Mom has just come home from the hospital after having major surgery, and my Dad is now in the hospital in intensive care, and I have a 3 week old baby and am trying to keep it all together. Again, not to say that we didn't have family and ward members, but I do not exaggerate when I say that I would nurse Kate, then drive my Mom to the hospital, and push her in a wheel chair up to visit my Dad. Good times.

The good news is miracles happened with my Dad as they have too many times to count. At the time we weren't sure if he would ever come home at all, or at the very least in a "normal" state. He did recover fully and returned home a few weeks later. It was a very scary time with two invalids to care for and trying to stay a float with very little money coming in and Randall still interviewing like crazy with no better job in site.

It was during all of this that Randall began working for another company. This company was struggling and not well known...but he was offered a job and he felt very strongly that he should take the position. The pay was bad, the job not great, but again he really felt like he should take it...so he did. He learned a LOT and it turned out to be the exact job he needed to learn the skills and gain the experience he would need in the future.

Three months later we were able to move out of my parents house. Both of my parents health was stable, and Randall started a new job with Omniture, now Adobe where he is currently working. If he had not taken that job with the struggling company, making very little money he would not have been offered his current job. Even though it didn't make any logical sense at the time to take that job, if he hadn't taken it, we don't know where we would be today.

Looking back at 4 years ago today I feel many different emotions. During that time I was stressed and struggling. I was thinking: Why us? We are good people. We got a great education, we work hard, we pay our tithing, we serve in the church, I just don't get it. But now I look back and the only thing I feel is an immense sense of humility and gratitude. Our path was laid out before us and I know Heavenly Father had a very specific plan for us. I know that we needed to be with my parents exactly when we were to help them, and they helped us. We would not have been able to make it on our own financially . The job Randall felt strongly about was the exact stepping stone we needed to move on to the next step. It was the exact answer to a very specific prayer. Randall still says he never would have known how much he would enjoy doing what he does, and what a great match for his skill set it would be. If someone would have told me 4 years ago where we would be today, in any regard, I would not have believed one word of it.

I don't know why I needed to write all this tonight but I just felt like I had to recognize and remember how incredibly blessed we have been over the last few years, even then, though we weren't exactly aware of it. It wasn't easy, in fact a lot of it was still filled with struggles, but looking back and having everything fall exactly into place is amazing to me.

Our Kate is a huge part of that. She was an unexpected but pleasant surprise and the reason I write that is because we were at an unsure time in our lives and things with Rand's business were not exactly stable. We weren't sure were we would be a year from then, and our other children were making us feel like we had our hands full. When I look back now, I see what a blessing it was that she came exactly when she did. She was a beautiful and sweet, perfect little person that came when we needed her. We needed her to bring us joy in an other wise difficult time. I think it was healing for both of my parents to hold her as a sleeping newborn and feel her sweet, calm little spirit. She still remains to be nothing but sunshine to us. No matter where we go people are completely drawn to her. She honestly has something about her. We are so grateful that she came to our family. Not a day goes by that she doesn't tell me at least 10 times "Mom, I love you" and reaches up for a kiss on the lips. She melts my heart and I'm so glad that we get to celebrate her birth 4 years ago in the morning.