One More Month

Just one month from today I will be on a plane with my girls back to Utah.  Rand, Ethan and my Dad are having boy bonding time driving the moving truck and our van back.  I can hardly believe this is really happening.   It's strange to have thought this was where we would make our home and raise our kids.    It's obvious that things always change, and are often out of our control.   We didn't see our selves moving back to Utah at all let alone just 2 years after we left.  We are returning under great circumstances and feel like it's a great blessing in many regards.   It's amazing that our town home there just happens to be available at just the right time for us to move into.  We have been working towards and praying for years that we would be blessed to pay off our student loans and this move with make that possible.  This is a good move for Randall professionally too, and I couldn't be happier about that.

It's just that coming her and adjusting to Jersey was really hard.  I was determined to dig my heels in, be happy here and make this place home, and it is home for us right now.  There is so much that I do love about living here.  I will miss my friends, our ward, the kids school, the beauty and green trees everywhere you look.  The parks, NYC, the diversity of the people around us in culture, color, and religion.

  The #1 thing I won't miss is the cost of living.  I was at the grocery store tonight and as I put my 4 gallons of milk in the cart for $16 dollars, I was trying to remember what milk cost in Utah.  I also won't miss the street we live on with the mortuary, the gas station and the liquor store.  I won't miss sharing a driving way with 2 houses and 6 or more cars coming and going.   I have definitely become a better and much more aggressive driver.  I never in a million years though I would drive in NYC and I have, and was crazy like the rest of them.   I won't miss sharing a bathroom with all the kids and our creaky stairs.

I'm really excited to be near family and friends. I'm glad that they grandparents will really get to know the kids, especially Jane and her sweet personality, and hear all the things she says.   I'm excited that we will have our families at Anna's baptism in November.   I'm excited to have central heat and air.  A disposal!!! A designated parking place, that's covered even. A pantry and a master bathroom and walk-in closet.  Oh, and how did I forget Cafe Rio?  Randall says I have definitely become low maintenance living here.  And as much as I love the hustle and bustle of life here and all the exciting things there are  to do and see, I'm actually looking forward to experiencing life at a much slower pace.  Sometimes I think we don't even realize anymore at how fast paced and stressful things are around here.

I'm grateful for the growth that we have made here.  I love that I have learned that things that initially seem so hard, just become your "new normal".  I remember when we first moved to Jersey just driving was very stressful.  The roads are crazy all over the place with strange jug handle turns and the route 22 that I hate.  I had to pay such close attention to not just  the road, but the drivers around me and my GPS.  I couldn't talk, listen to the radio or the kids for that matter.  My heart would be racing and I would be so nervous every time I got in the car.  I  could only concentrate on getting from point A to B.  Now, I don't even think about the driving, at least in my day to day life.  Sure there are still times that I have to pull out the GPS (thank heavens for that gadget), and while I almost never talk on the phone and only hands free, I'm glad that driving is now no big deal.  I'm glad that shop rite, is just a normal grocery store to me now.  I sometimes have to think back and remember what it was that was so hard about living here in the beginning.  It will be a shock to have such wide open spaces, large parking lots, and shopping carts actually in the grocery stores.

No matter what, I will always love the charm of the east coast.  

And while the people here can certainly be rude and outspoken, and I have many "fun" stories of different confrontations, I really like that here you can have an opinion and voice it and people are open to it.  I feel like in other places I'm hesitant to have a strong opinion and especially hesitant to voice it, afraid I might come across too harshly and even offend someone.   I like that here you can be you no matter what and nobody cares.  You see people of all walks of life here and it's just so normal that you almost don't stand out, even if you a weird guy that wears different colored rats on your head like a guy Rand passes on the way to work in the city.  I don't want to feel like I have to "fit in".

I like that we've had some deep discussions with the kids about really important issues because they are exposed to different things here.  I love that they have learned that if you come to church wearing jeans, with multiple ear piercings or tattoos it doesn't make you a bad person.  There was a time a while back where the kids were playing in the back with a bunch of neighborhood kids, several of who were black.  Something happened with one of the girls and so when they came in I asked them who it involved and they explained to me that it was "that girl with the big hair".  I was impressed that they didn't even think to use "the black girl", in their description.

I think one of my biggest concerns in returning to Utah,  is that here, our answer to their concerns as to why people use certain language, or take the Lord's name in vain, is because they aren't taught the same things we are taught, and don't know differently.  It's going to be a challenge when it's the kids they know are Mormon that are saying and doing things they shouldn't....

I just have to remind myself when I'm sad about leaving here and the many great things it has to offer, that we are just so lucky that we had the at all.  Jersey was definitely the hardest place to adjustment to, but it's been a huge blessing for us as a family.  I know when I get on the plane one month from today, I will be heart broken, leaving those I love here behind...but thankfully there are many others I love where we are going.