Darling Daughter?

It's no secret that one of our daughters can be a "handful?"  Ok, we all know it's Anna.  I love her.  She can be such a sweetie pie.  She is very nurturing and thoughtful, but boy is she also just plain hard. She;s been hard from the beginning.  I often ask myself what I did differently with her in my pregnancy just sure it's my fault, since she just came that way so different from the others.

This morning I am just so frustrated with her.  She is just not a happy child, almost ever.  She just chooses to be miserable the majority of her life.  I've been talking to her a lot about that recently that happiness is a choice.  I know that there are extenuating circumstances, but she's 7 and has a good life.  This morning at breakfast she announced that "she doesn't like life".  I was like "what?"  Just because I wanted to be sure that's what she had said and what she meant.  So yes continued to say that yes, in fact she doesn't life like and it's because hers is so terrible.  I immediately just said "go to your room".  I was so mad and sad at the same time.  I don't know how to teach her to see the good.

 A few weeks ago at dinner I was asking them what the best part of their day was.  I asked Ethan and of course he had something happy and positive to say.  I went on to Anna and again asked "Anna, what was the best part of your day?"  She said "well, the worst part was ..."  OK.  I didn't ask her what the worst part was but she skipped right past the good and went for the worst.  The cup is definitely half empty with her.

Anna has some great strengths and talents.  She loves babies.  She adores Jane and wishes she could be her mother.  I often have to remind Anna that I am the mother.  She has taken it upon herself to be Kate's teacher.  Anna has literally worked for hours and hours writing out "lesson plans".   She sits down with Kate and has been teaching her about vowels, non fiction, whatever it is that week.

...Anna just came in and we had a talk and she said "being a kid is just hard".  I tried to emphasize and told her that's true but it's also supposed to be one of the best parts of life.  I told her to try to see the good. I asked her to list some of the good things yesterday, she said "pizza at school, centers, the monkey bars, that's it".  I said to her what about these things like a package from grandma with treats inside, dinner out last night, and a new movie for them to watch and much needed new shoes tomorrow.  Her response was "well the movie was just rented".  Aarg  see what I'm working with here?  Apparently the movie isn't good enough unless we buy it.

We've been really encouraging her to say her personal prayers and teaching that you can pray anytime anywhere she needs.  She hasn't been too keen on the idea.  I told her that it's these exact things she can include in her prayers.  Things like the girls at school will be nice, she can be happy etc.

That girl worries me, they all worry me for one reason another.  I had no idea being a parent would be so hard.  I just thought as long as they were fed and clothed we were good.

Rands been gone 8 days and I've hardly slept the last 3 nights because Jane has started crying in the night, and Kate's had a fever of 103 for the last 3 days.  I'm sure I'm just tired and all will be well when I get a little more sleep soon.